A Narrative By: C.S. Torres
I missed her, but she had told me goodbye. She had been gone for three weeks, and I could not get her off my mind. I’d go to the places we had visited together to remember her. An older man saw me as I sat at a table in her favorite coffee shop. He asked why I looked despondent. I did not hesitate to tell him about her. It was like he already knew why, and I had no control to lie. I told him I loved her and how broken I felt without her. Even though I didn’t know her that long, I saw her in my future. I poured my illogical heart out to this man. He looked me in the eye and told me to go after her. I sat there bewildered for a moment about his advice. What I wanted was logic. I needed someone to tell me to move on. I wanted to believe that I was irrational and too emotional. But this gentleman told me to go after her.
I honestly didn’t know where she was. I knew the city where she moved but could not contact her. She didn’t give me a forwarded address. She had disconnected her number. Every sign was telling me she didn’t want me to get in contact with her. She dreamt of attending the school of her choice, plans to fulfill, and a career to chase. I was afraid I would look like a fool going after her. With her dreams, interference was not my desire. I wanted her to do everything she had planned. But I kept having this feeling that maybe this older man was right. I perhaps needed to go after her if I felt so strongly about her.
I thought about his advice for a few days. I kept weighing out my options. With every passing day, I would miss her more and more. I felt crazy about all my emotions, feeling ridiculous for feeling so strongly about her. I would replay conversations with her to see if they provided answers.
She had already planned to move before she met me. I knew she was moving to go to school from the beginning. She never hesitated to leave. She couldn’t, though; having already made her plans. But then I would also remember those nights we spent together. How during those moments, the chemistry between us was surreal. I couldn’t shake the feelings I had for her. I had to know if we could have a future together. Having no real ties to where I lived, I could move to be with her. I could help her fulfill her dream. That was just never a discussion between us. How crazy could I be, willing to move for someone I barely knew?
But I kept hearing the older man telling me to go after her. I had to see her one last time. If nothing more than for closure to our relationship. To at least know if she was missing me at all.
Maybe I could move on knowing that she wasn’t interested in a future with me. I could put this behind me. I made the decision that I would leave to find her. Confess my feelings and see how she felt.
My nerves grew more anxious as I made this decision. My hope was for her to be excited and share the same emotions as me. I wanted her to want to be with me. I wanted her to want a future with me. But fear lived in the back of my mind that she would not want to. Either way, I was determined to know. I immediately planned my trip to find her.
Knowing she worked at a local restaurant to make extra money before starting school, I would visit her there. If she didn’t welcome my visit, I could make it seem like I accidentally ended up there. I was hoping it wouldn’t happen, but I needed a backup plan, just in case.
I left the next day to see her. My stomach was in knots, and I was very anxious. Honestly, I felt ridiculous and scared of rejection. I would be heartbroken if she turned me down. I knew I would eventually get over it and move on after having my questions answered, but I feared the worst. As I drove into town, I felt sick. I started making excuses to put off the visit. I was terrified.
I checked into my hotel and looked up the location of the restaurant. Knowing that if I didn’t follow through quickly, I would never do it. I went directly to the restaurant to find her. When I arrived, however, I noticed her car was not in the parking lot. I wondered if I was wrong about knowing her job location, but deciding to check it out, anyway.
I walked in and glanced around, seeing other servers but not her. Finding a table, I sat down and a young woman came to take my order. I tried to act normal and ordered a drink while pretending to look at the menu. I kept looking around the restaurant but didn’t see her. When the young woman returned with my glass, I asked if she knew a server with her name. She said yes, but that she wasn’t on her shift yet. She would work that night. I thanked her and paid for my drink before leaving.
I went back to my hotel room with more nerves than before. While sitting in that room, I thought about how I would see her soon. I would go back later that evening, and she would be there. That reality sank in that she was here, in this town, and close to me. I would see her again, and that thought made me anxious. My mind kept playing tricks on me as my emotions panicked. Afraid, I made excuses for why I should not go back, but I knew in my heart I had to.
Finally, the time had come. I wanted to show up when she would have been on her shift for a few hours, and the rush of people had mainly died out. I drove into the parking lot, and I saw her car. She was here. This was the moment I anticipated. I was terrified; taking as much time as possible to get out of my car and walk into the restaurant.
When I walked in, the place was steady but not busy. I quickly glanced around, but I did not see her anywhere. A young woman standing at the entrance asked me if I needed a table, and I told her I was looking for someone who worked there. The woman confirmed she was there and told me which section was hers. I waited at the entrance for a while and watched for her before I approached.
A few minutes later, she emerged, walking out of the kitchen, holding a tray with drinks. My breath caught in my throat, and my heart raced. I stood in awe of her. I had forgotten how beautiful she was. I watched her intently as she walked to the table. Her eyes glowed, and her smile was contagious. She danced around the table, smiling and handing out her customers’ drinks. She lightly patted the gentleman on his back as she talked and laughed with them. I could tell that she knew them. Perhaps they were regular customers. I kept watching her and smiling as I remembered her mannerisms. I forgot how vivacious she was. For those few moments, as I watched her, I remembered why I was there. I loved this woman. Seeing her confirmed everything I had felt since the day she left. I wanted her. I needed her. All my fears vanished, as I knew I would do anything to be with this woman.
She stood at the table for a moment, talking with her guest. She kept smiling and laughing. At one point, she finally looked up and started looking around the room. I waited as she scanned the room, hoping she would see me. I wondered if she would recognize me. The anticipation was killing me. Her eyes crossed me quickly. My heart jumped as our eyes met, but she glanced away. She didn’t fully recognize me. Suddenly, she looked back at me, and her eyes grew wide with surprise. She paused, looking inquisitively at me in recognition. Slowly, I started moving toward her, and she moved towards me as we gazed at each other. I felt completely out of control of my emotions. I wanted to hold her and kiss her. Her eyes became more intent as she walked towards me.
Once we reached each other, I caressed her cheeks with both hands. I pulled her face to mine and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed me back. I dropped my hands from her face and caressed the small of her back. Relief flooded my mind as I embraced her tighter. She wrapped her hands around my neck as she continued to kiss me. She did not pull away.
We were entirely oblivious to anyone around us watching. We stood there for many moments, just holding each other and kissing.
Finally, we pulled away to look into each other’s eyes. She was more beautiful than I remembered. I searched for words to say, but I couldn’t find any. There was too much to say, and I didn’t know where to begin. Then she broke the brief silence, to my surprise. She smiled, and her eyes were moist with tears.
“I was wondering when you were going to show up here,” she said as she giggled. A tear dropped from her eye, and she quickly wiped it away.
Her statement shocked me. It completely blew me away. Had she been expecting me to come? I cannot explain my relief. Her smile glistened as she reached up and stroked my face lovingly.
“It took me a while to figure it out,” I responded. She laughed while hugging me tightly.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” she said, her voice muffled in my arms.
Tightening my embrace around her, I smiled. I love this woman, and she loves me. I was immediately thankful for that older man in the coffee shop. He told me to go after her, and I did.
© C.S. Torres